I admit, I have become fascinated with Facebook Founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg's "Hoodie Video," which was released this week to announce changes to Facebook's privacy settings. I'm sure that this video will be analyzed by cultural anthropologists years from now, as they point to the the peak of arrogance and juvenile behavior in Internet culture.

I have set out the analyze the film in entirety. I believe it is representative of the failure of Facebook's entire marketing and PR program, as well as the general dysfunction in Web media.

This short, 3 minute video distills just about everything that has gone wrong with Internet culture, from a Hoodie-wearing CEO billionaire to an arrogant, flawed and amateur marketing communications program. Here is the video and below is my analysis, minute-by-minute.

Let's take it from the top:

0:01 WOW! What an introduction. Suddenly I'm looking at the big, blown-up face of what appears to be a 16-year-old wearing the Hoodie. Mr. Zuckerberg, who believe it or not is technically a paper billionaire (maybe not for long) and the Founder/CEO of Facebook, appears with the expression of a deer staring into the barrel of a 357 Magnum. Check it out, see if his facial expression alters during the entire clip.

Here's my advice for Mark: You've got gajillions of dollars. Why not fork over a little money for some media training. And buy a nice shirt, preferably Armani. Hell, if I had the kind of dough you had, I'd by a dozen Armani shirts in different colors.

0:10 "These change are a direct result of the feedback..." Yes, which you took weeks to respond to.

0.15 "I wanted to share some of my thoughts with you." Yes, Mark, I can tell you are a sharing kind of guy. And you deliver it with all the emotion and personality of the 200-pound piece of granite sitting in my backyard. Lighten up bro!

0:32 "When people share more, the world becomes more open and connected." Hmmm. Is that really true? What if you are sharing, say, plans for a nuclear bomb? Or illicit photos, stolen information, and pictures that somebody didn't know you were publishing? Just sayin' We don't always want the world to become "more open and connected."

0:34 This blue background is incredibly distracting. But not as distracting as THE HOODIE. It's hard enough to tolerate Bill Belichick's hoodie, but he's just a football coach. You are the CEO of one of the fastest global Internet companies of all time. And you're 26 bro, not 16! What are your consultants telling you -- you need to project a more professional image!

0:52 "Facebook has become less about colleges and more about sharing information with different groups..." Thanks Mark. I knew you weren't in college any more. Did you know that? Maybe it's now about finding a business model that exploits user data and generates billions of dollars in revenue so that you can have an IPO.

1:09 Did you notice the camera just zoomed in even tighter on Hoodie-man and his teenage complexion! Who made this video anyway? Do they not even have budget for that? It's like Zuckerberg called up one of his college buddies and they ran over and bought a camera at Best Buy and started shooting.

1:19 Mark just jumped back from the camera. Such a polished video.

1:21 "We built one simple master control." Yes, one simple master control so that you can spend 6 hours a day trying to manage your social networking privacy and pray that that those stupid party photos you took this weekend don't make it to your boss's screen. Just how I want to spend my weekend.

1:33  "In one click..." You can screw up everything and destroy a friendship.

1:56 Now, I've never met Zuckerberg. But he looks like a robot. I mean, if you watched Caddyshack with him with he even laugh or would he spend the whole time analyzing the pixels of the video screen?

2:25 "We've added the ability to turn off platform capabilities completely." Thanks. And maybe that one Executive V.P. who makes $300K per year and plays Mafia Wars all day long broadcasting his every move to everybody on Facebook should turn off the game. Does this allow me to tell him how stupid he is?

2:40 They've apparently changed the control for Instant Personalization. I don't even really know what this means. Does it mean I am no longer "Instantly Personalized"? Does it actually reverse the major damage you did to the Facebook ecosystem the moment when you instantly opted in a gajillion people into your new experimental, half-baked privacy scheme?

2:49 "The new controls will be going live gradually." Translation: we haven't actually finished all this shit and we've screwed up so many times already that we're actually terrified to push any of this live. Oh, and some of it's not done.

2:52 "On a personal note, I just turned 26 a few days ago." Yeah, but, uh, Zuck, you still look like you are 16! LOSE THE FREAKING HOODIE BRO. Also, this video doesn't seem very personal. It's pretty damn cold.

This has got to leave you wondering: Do you really trust this Hoodie man? Are you willing to put a bunch of your personal information in this 26-year old guy's control? If he were a bank teller would you hand your money over to him?  (Hat tip to my buddy Will who gave me this one)

3:00 Did you notice that Mr. Zuckerberg never apologized or appeared remorseful about anything they've done?

There you go. The reason I analyzed this amazing piece of film is to show that modern Internet marketing techniques, and Facebook's approach to customer communication, are essentially flawed.

Dear Mr. Internet Communications god: I can't take it anymore! Some day can we dispense of juvenile, amateurish delivery via YouTube and go back to polished professional communication? Please!?